Occupy Education Reform

by: Jersey Jazzman

Tue Nov 22, 2011 at 09:00:00 AM EST

In America today, students who peacefully question the status quo can expect this:

Obviously, these kids never learned to conform, which demonstrates a failure of our public education system. Because schools are not supposed to produce critical thinkers capable of independent thought who can see past the corporate propaganda our media grinds out every second. No, schools are there to produce "21st Century workers" - people who are smart enough to do the work but not smart enough to challenge the system. Even our "liberal" president thinks so.

We need an education system that indoctrinates students to produce uniformity of thought. The best way to do this is to put all of our teaching emphasis on secretly designed and implemented standardized tests, whose sole function is to determine whether students' thoughts have been "standardized."

Just like the picture above, we should mete out punishments to students and teachers who do not adhere to a strict schedule of learning development; the Common Core will keep us on track. To accelerate the the process, we should narrow the curriculum and take away workplace protections for teachers who dare not to go along.

We should also have more charter schools and private schools, with their "Success For All"-style group chanting and uniforms. It's especially important to promote these in poor, urban areas, as these are the people who stand to gain the most by developing the critical thinking skills that would lead them to analyze their current situation and realize how badly they're getting screwed.

Of course, one thing we've learned since No Child Left Behind is that there will always be kids who fall through the cracks. Despite our best efforts, some children will not get with the program, and will actually believe the TV less than their own lying eyes.

Don't worry: we'll just make sure we put an emphasis on "lifelong" learning:

Let's all take a moment to thank the incredibly wealthy people who are funding the corporate education reform movement to get our kids to conform. Obviously, these billionaires know what's best; and if you don't understand that, we have ways of making you understand.